


nerium

by donhgyucks



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Depression, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, jae just really needs to be shown love, side dopil so stay tuned!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:50:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18057212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donhgyucks/pseuds/donhgyucks
Summary: kang younghyun is a psychiatrist. a pretty damn good one at that. always played by the rules and done it by the book.that is until he takes a peculiar interest in park jaehyung. a terminally ill boy whos being worn down by his illness - he’s quite a handful, and he loves to shut everyone out.but my god, kang younghyun just wants to let himself in.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi. it feels so weird to be writing again. i say again like i completed my hyuckhei au but we wont talk about that right now. i just want to get a few things out of the way. 
> 
> \- this NOT for the lighthearted. please read at your own risk.  
> \- all character depictions are obviously fictional.  
> \- i am by no means romanticising any phyisical or mental illness. 
> 
> with that out of the way, let me tell you how excited i am for this fic. ive been meaning to write a fic like this for so long, because i as a human being always tend to write sad storylines above everything else. its my BRAND! and what better way to do it than through jaehyungparkian. 
> 
> i hope everyone who reads this enjoys it, please leave kudos whereever you feel like i deserve them! happy reading my lovelies. be safe x

the doctors had told jae when he was just 8 years old that there was a chance his heart could fail on the spot. he wasnt meant to live past that year.

how he’d made it to 27 was a mystery in itself.

he’d be telling a lie if he’d said he hadnt wished he wouldve died when the doctors had said he would. he resented the bastards for even pining the thought of death for him. some days he wanted to die. often times he didnt really care if he did.

see, when jae was 8, precisely on his 8th birthday, he began experiencing heart palpitations throughout the day which got worse as the day went by. jae with his clever little noggin put it down to him being on a sugar rush of cake, gummy worms and whatever excess e numbers he’d been eating that day.

come night time he was laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a monitor that he couldnt quite understand how it worked, injected with a needle pumping some clear-like substance into his system. naive, young jae hadnt thought much at the time of course, this was just a bump in his day and he’d be back on the bouncy castle his mother had rented for the day in no time.

after multiple tests and on-off private conversations rotating from his mum to the doctor it had become quite worrying to jae that his mother was cry incessantly at the words rolling off the doctors tongue.

the final time both the doctor and his mother walked over to him, he knew something had happened. he’d hoped for a plaster, maybe even a rubber glove filled with ice, not that he had a condition called lupus and he was in the sixth stage of it. along with cardiovascular disease because of how far along his condition was. not the most friendliest mixtures one would say.

jae didnt understand what that meant at the time. all he was told was that they’d keep going. they’d fight the condition as a team, as a unit.

jae had asked “am i going to die?” in panic approximately nine times before the doctor had to simply reply with the only way he knew how to an eight year old frightened boy, he just told him he didnt know. but to this day its the unknowingness that kills jae. wondering if when he goes to sleep at night; will he wake up? the condition he can live with. but not knowing when his time may be up is what hurts the most.

jaes mum had told him angels were watching over him that night, and for a long 8 years he had believed that. he went to sleep every night praying for the angels to keep him safe.

he stopped doing that a couple of months after he’d turned 16. in fact, that was the year he stopped believing in good things all together.

because that year he lost his mother. he lost the only person who had been on his side for the entirety of his life. the one that kept his hopes high, his smile bright and his life worth living. jae had implanted into his own head, as morbid as it sounds, that he would be the one being buried soon, not her. so when he buried her body just two weeks after her death, his prayers from then on had been to join her very soon.

fast forward another 11 years and here he is. sitting in that hospital bed he had been used to for 19 years. he hadnt done much living since his mother had died. hell, he hadnt seen the point. the only reason he hadnt blown his brains out, or tried to end his life for that matter, was because he made a promise to his mum that he’d fight until the very end of his illness.

jae could only hope his illness was coming to an end.

“jae” dr sungjin softly shook his shoulders to get him out of his sleep, “how is my favourite patient doing today?”.

“terrible” jae groaned, stretching his whole body from his slumber. considering the weather outside and the frantic beating in his chest, he’d slept well. he wasnt refreshed or rearing for a good day, he was just awake. and thats all that matters right?

sungjin had been his doctor for just over three years now. jae had gotten so used to dr minhyuk he’d resented him for retiring in such short notice, but sungjin slowly but surely became his favourite. he was a good listener, good doctor and as pretentious as it sounds, he was good to look at.

“you off out anywhere today?” sungjin quizzed, elevating jaes hospital bed so he was sat up now. jae was permitted to leave the hospital any time he pleased, but he enjoyed the company he got there.

jae shook his head, “you gonna take me out on a date?”.

sungjin laughed at his response, he’d grown used to jaes sarcastic flirting by now. he’d be telling a lie if he said he didnt enjoy it. but he couldnt love a broken, dying boy. and he hated himself for even thinking he could.

“then no, ill be keeping my butt parked here like i always do, watching netflix” jae huffed, ruffling through his bed hair which made him look fluffy and cute in his oversized hospital robe and lilac blanket he’d slept with.

“actually...” sungjin trailed off, and jae knew that tone of voice straight away. sungjin was about to drop a ‘youre going to hate me but ive done something for you’ type of situation. jae hated those. “i booked you another therapist, he’ll be here in the next hour”

jae rolled his eyes at what he had been told. its not that he wasn’t grateful at sungjin trying to help, there was just nothing that a therapist could say that would make his illness go away, that would bring back his mother. and in a peculiar sense he hated talked about both things to anyone. the more he ignored them problems were there, the less real they seemed to him. the less he’d have to deal with them.

“his name is kang younghyun, he was quite expensive, but for our long time customer we’d do anything” sungjin explained, ruffling through jaes hair as he expanded on the last part of the sentence.

jae laughed at the word customer, as if he’d came back for a reason. jae was only there because he had to be. even sungjin knew that.

“thanks sungjin” jae dryly responded, seemingly ungrateful, but he wasnt. he was just ticked off with things like this not working. he wished more than anything that they did, but the more he talked the more he hurt. and park jaehyung was sick of hurting.

sungjin had left him some orange juice before he left the room jae was in. jae made the mistake every morning of brushing his teeth, then taking a sip of the beverage. every day without fail. he never learned.

he’d changed into some joggers and an old baggy band t shirt that he hadnt washed in about two days because of the hospital he was cooped up at. his apartment he stayed at was only 5 minutes by car, it was funded by the government because of his condition. it was nice, and he enjoyed it. he just found himself in the walls of the hospital a lot because of how severe his condition was.

it was just a waiting game for this kang younghyun to show up now. he’d pondered how the man would look, he’d presumed around mid forties, facial hair, glasses, far-too-baggy suit taking up his frame. those were what his previous therapists had looked like, and he’d had many of them.

thats why when a dashingly handsome, tall, young man dressed in a tight navy blue suit walked through the door with a bag on his shoulder and two starbucks drinks in his hands he couldn’t help but sit there with his mouth gaped open at the site of the young man.

jae wasnt sure whether his heart condition had caught up to him or his heart was beating so fast at the sight of kang younghyun that he thought he was literally going to drop dead.

younghyun silently made his way over to the bed jae was at, and just as he was about to reach him to place the drinks down, he tripped right over the blanked jae had left there when he was getting changed.

he managed to save one drink, where as the other spilled all over jaes bed, seeping through the sheets on the bed onto his legs.

“ow!” jae yelped, twitching his legs up to avoid the heat of the drink.

“i am so sorry” younghyun frantically apologised, placing the other cup down on the table beside him and picking the other now-empty one from the bed. “t-that one was for you. dr sungjin told me what drink you like and i thought-“

“its okay” jae bluntly told him, turning to the cup that been placed on the table. he picked it up and regretfully took a sip of the beverage that was unknown to him. he spat it straight back out into the cup. younghyun soon realised he’d have his work cut out if he was to work with this new patient, but he was always up for a challenge.

“thats the third strike, and youve only been here a minute!” jae threw his arms about like a toddler who had just heard a curse word for the third time.

younghyun looked at the boy with his eyebrows furrowed for a moment, “first you bring in drinks made from a capitalist company, then you scold my leg with said drink,” jae half-jokingly told him off, “and THEN i found out you drink black coffee. dr kang younghyun you sure are bad at first impressions”.

younghyun laughed at jae’s over exaggerations. he’d soon realised from his silliness how pretty he was. from the way he pouted when he was angry, to the way his eyes crinkled up when he’d realised he was joking. he was a beautiful, sick boy. there was no denying that.

“honestly, you may as well just leave. third strike and youre out” jae sternly stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“you wont get rid of me that fast, park jaehyung” younghyun grinned at him, taking a seat next to the bed he’d just spilt hot chocolate all over.

jae rolled his eyes at the psychiatrist. he wasnt annoyed by him at all, in fact this was the most fun he’d had all year, his leg being scolded just added to it all.

“but i am sorry about spilling the coffee, and having impeccable taste in what i drink” younghyun continued, whipping out his notebook and pen so fast jae almost got whiplash.

jae gave him a short look, it was then he realised how pretty the boys smile was. he couldnt have been much younger than himself, maybe 24 or 25. maybe a few years between them. he envied the way his youth was glowing and his own was simply just fading away.

“im dr kang younghyun. and this is just a trial run to see if you want me as your therapist. ill ask if you want to see me again at the end of the session, im sure we’ll face no problems and youll say yes to seeing me again” younghyun smugly described to jae, this just caused jae to stifle a short laugh. he loved his confidence, he felt comfortable with him.

“gee. you could at least take me out to dinner first” jae rolled his eyes, and younghyun shortly smiled in his direction, flashing his teeth.

“so, what seems to be the problem here jaehyung?” younghyun’s tone of voice immediately switched to a more sweet and sensitive one. a more calming one if you will. it sent shivers down jaes spine.

“i dont know. it could be the fact that my illness is slowly killing me and i could literally drop dead as im saying this, or it could be my chronic depression thats spiralling out of control day after day. take your russian roulette of illness to talk about”

younghyun jotted something down in his notebook quickly, before turning his attention back to jae.

“how do these problems make you feel?” younghyun asked.

“i dont feel”

“what makes these problems better?”

“drugs” jae chuckled to himself, he did this with every psychiatrist he’d even had. younghyun’s eyes widened at his response, “jesus! im joking. i almost cried when i tasted that caffeine what makes you think im a junkie”

younghyun jotted more stuff into his notebook. and jae become remotely aware that younghyun didnt give a shit about his problem. this was just his job. younghyun had to listen to him because he was getting payed for it, and as jae watched him write down what he was telling him it pissed him off that nobody listened just because they wanted to.

and so he stopped talking.

younghyun was prying with many different questions. but to no response, he was confused on why the pretty boy had gone mute all of a sudden.

he wanted to know why the boy with the gleaming eyes looked so dead inside, but he just wouldnt talk. he wanted to reach out his hand and offer him support on a more personal level, but in his line of business. it was illegal to do so. and kang younghyun always played by the rules.

“i think we’re done here” jae teared up, staring out of the window to his right, hoping the arrogant psychiatrist wouldnt notice.

“jaehyung?” younghyun softly called for him, but he was far gone now. he was staring out the window into his own little world.

younghyun carefully packed up his things into his bag. placing things in delicately. he tried to recount where he went wrong, so he could apologise to the broken boy before him. but truth is everything he’d done couldnt be fixed, because he couldnt be fixed.

“i suppose you wont want to see me again then?” younghyun quizzed one more time, before slinging his bag over his shoulder, staring at jae one last time.

“guess not” jae responded, playing with the hem of his tshirt. a single tear had begun rolling down his pale, sunken cheek.

with a sigh, younghyun made his way out of the door. bewildered as to what had just happened. he delicately shut the door behind him making sure it wouldnt slam shut. but jae still heard the slight slam of the heavy door and it clicked him out of his daze again.

he was suddenly acutely aware of how alone he was again.

park jaehyungs heart broke that day, as if it was whole in the first place.


	2. 2

jae had spent the rest of that morning packing up his little to no belongings, perks of being a terminally ill patient who had absolutely no one to take care of him, was that he could leave the hospital whenever he pleased. and check himself back in the same way.

 

to tell the truth, hospital was his home. he hated his real home because it reminded him of how alone he was. that was all on his own accord.

 

jae had many times to open up, to gain friends, join groups and live as much as his faintly beating heart would let him. but he never allowed himself to.

 

opening himself up was dangerous, everyone who he’d opened up to had left him. and he wouldnt give anyone that power over him anymore.

 

he didnt hate kang younghyun, not by any means. in fact he’d love more than to open up to the boy with the oddly perfectly symmetrical face, but jaehyung knows that deep down he didnt care.

 

jae wanted to call him back and apologise for the way he had acted in their first and very last session, but that would just make him look like a fool. so instead, he sat pondering on what could have been with the pretty boy.

 

“oh, are you leaving jaehyung?” dr sungjin walked through the door and concernedly questioned him, jae snapped out of his daze as he stared out into the seoul streets.

 

jae turned his head to the doctor and smiled shortly, “unfortunately for you” jae chuckled.

 

“youll miss me soon enough and youll come back” sungjin teased, sitting on the end of the bed, to which jae joined him.

 

“yes. itll be me missing my obnoxious yet beautiful doctor that makes me come back, and not my

impending death” jae laughed, doing the buttons on his jacket up as he prepared to enter the fresh air.

 

sungjin hated it when jae joked about those things. jae had only been under his case for three years, but the thought of him no longer being there pained him in a way that was only justifiable to him.

 

in a way he was selfish. jaehyung was dying, but sungjin never acknowledged that because he loved his company.

 

“so how did it go with dr kang younghyun?” sungjin quickly averted the conversation.

 

“terrible. absolutely terrible. i could smack you for arranging it” jae playfully responded, lightly swatting sungjins shoulder.

 

sungjin sighed, “im sorry jae”

 

“why are you apologising silly? it was all him” jae lied, he knew it was definitely half of his own fault. but jae wouldnt let sungjin know that. “tell you what, you give me his number so i can pry about why he was so rude and ill let it go”

 

sungjins eyes widened, he wasnt allowed to do that. and if he did he’d surely end up in trouble.

 

“jae! im not allowed” sungjin argued, nudging his shoulder with his own.

 

jae looked at him with the are-we-really-doing-this-right-here facial expression. sungjin never stopped breaking rules for jae, jae gave him the puppy dog eyes whenever he wanted to do something that wasnt allowed and it always worked.

 

“i have your number. is THAT allowed?” jae smugly deflected.

 

“fair point” sungjin trailed off, clearly contemplating whether he should or he shouldnt. this would get him in a lot of trouble had it be found out, but to risk it all for park jaehyung? it seemed worth it.

 

sungjin quickly placed younghyuns phone number into jaes phone and left it at nothing more. jae would only text him once, maybe a few times, just to make him feel bad for making him feel the way he did. he deserved it, so sungjin thought.

 

“just be careful with him jaehyung, i mean it” sungjin sternly warned him, part of him knew his sternness was down to him knowing how charming younghyun was, and knowing how easily jae would fall for him.

 

he couldnt have his jae falling in love with anybody else but him.

 

“i owe you one” jae excitedly cheered, planting a small peck on his cheek. he left in a hurry, itd been the happiest sungjin had seen his patient in a long week, and he hated that it was because of someone else.

 

park sungjin felt used. but that was just one downfall of loving a dying, broken boy.

 

———————————

 

younghyun had given a lot thought as to why jae had acted the way he did. he wondered on why his mood changed so quickly he couldn’t even get the chance to send an apology his way.

 

usually, if something like that was to happen in any other circumstance, he wouldnt be so torn up about the whole situation. but seeing jaehyung cry had made his blackened soul twist around inside of him.

 

younghyun was by no means evil - no, thats not what id call it at all. selfish is what id call it.

 

jae wasnt wrong in what he was thinking, younghyun was only listening to his problems because he had been paid to do so. so why now was younghyun feeling guilt over making the boy with pretty brown eyes cry right in front of him?

 

he’d seen tears and scars and bruises in prior sessions with other patients, but none had hit the way he seen jae’s tears flow down his pale cheeks.

 

he could only hope the image would leave his mind soon. so hope was all he did.

 

younghyun met up with his two friends later that day in the starbucks he had bought the drinks for himself and jae. he stifled a little chuckle as he thought about jaes reaction to drinking the black coffee. he was cute, even younghyun was in no place to not acknowledge that.

 

“dowoon, pil” younghyun greeted his two friends with a hug before they all took a seat in the coffee shop.

 

“how was work bud?” dowoon quizzed, and younghyun shrugged at the question. he wasnt about tell them that he has a park jaehyung shaped hole in stomach right now.

 

“you’re still coming out to gig with us tonight right?” wonpil further pried, and younghyun was mentally kicking himself for forgetting they had booked to perform at a small little bar in town.

 

younghyun smacked his own head lightly, “im so bunged up on my paperwork right, but tomorrow, i promise we’ll gig” he told them both, giving them an apologetic look.

 

“it’s friday! you have all weekend to get the paperwork done” dowoon argue back.

 

“but if i get it done tonight i can spend the rest of it with my favourite couple”

 

dowoon and wonpil gave each other a short look before nodding. its not that younghyun didnt want to go out, in fact he’d lied when he said he had paper work to do. he was always up to date on his work, he was never behind, he refused to let himself be focused on other things until it was done. he just wanted to mope around in his apartment, watch the notebook, maybe write a few songs.

 

younghyun, dowoon and wonpil had been friends since they were all in kindergarten. it was weird for them not to be with each other. they were a talented trio. younghyuns vocals were on a whole different scale of talent, he could play bass, guitar, synth from time to time and even the drums. but his mind was always set on psychology and not music.

 

dowoon played the drums, and had recently started getting vocals lessons. he was so steady with his hands he was like a digital metronome. he was an impeccably talented man. him and wonpil always had their minds set on music. which is why pil had studied it at university and used it to be able to play keyboard and synth, as well as being a vocalist. he’d been recognised because of his unique voice before, but had stayed with his friends because he didnt want his fame without his friends. he was selfless for them.

 

dowoon had found himself smitten for wonpil for these reasons.

 

younghyun had never dated. sure, messed around was the right word. but he never had time for love himself, he never thought about it. only on a really lonely, cold night where he’d wish he was embracing a warm body. he’d dreamt of it.

 

my god kang younghyun had dreamt of love. he’d dreamt of the soft kisses under the porcelain sheets, every touch filled with bliss, writing songs for his love and having them play back in their head like the most sweetest sounds.

 

wonpil and dowoon left younghyun in the coffee shop around 45 minutes after they met up. and it wasnt long before younghyun was back to thinking about jae.

 

lost in deep thought, he noticed his phone ping on the table, and he held it up to see who it was.

 

‘ _ **unknown number:**_ This is the federal government. We have a secret mission set out just for you. The reward for your actions will be explained to you should you chose to accept. YES or NO?’

 

younghyun looked at his phone with bewilderment plastered onto his face.

 

‘ _ **unknown number**_ : choose* goddammit i am illiterate.

 

its park jaehyung, bet i had you fooled for a second there’

 

his face automatically switched to a smile. he chuckled at jaes attempt of a prank. he was still confused as to why he want texting, and how he got his number, as far as he was aware jae hated him. despised him in fact.

 

his heart couldnt help but flutter at the thought of the pretty boy texting him.

 

‘ _ **younghyun**_ : jae? im not supposed to be texting my previous patients.

 

_**jae**_ : i was never your patient, stupid. because you was never my therapist

 

_**younghyun**_ : you get my point jaehyung.

 

_**jae**_ : well. in that case. i just came to tell you that you shouldnt be a therapist, because you are an absolute shocking one. you made me feel worse! and even IM not sure how thats possible’

 

even as jae was typing that, he knew that was a lie. he was expensive for a reason and that was because of how good he was. he just wanted a reaction out of him. and it worked.

 

‘ _ **younghyun**_ : well, jae, i dont make over fives times more than the normal wage for a therapist for no reason do i.

 

_**jae**_ : clearly, but you sure are a narcissist kang younghyun. have you ever thought about these people you try to help for reasons other than your wage? or is money all these helpless people are to you?

 

_**younghyun**_ : thats not true at all! and to prove it, how about i give YOU a FREE session. maybe i can change your mind.

 

_**jae:**_  oh really? is this not just your trick to see ME again. im flattered, really, but all is well with me

 

_**younghyun**_ : youre a dying boy jaehyung, how fine can you be?

 

_**jae**_ : you’d be really sorry if i died right now mr kang. but yes, ill take that free session, maybe ill get an apology out of you. ill text my address tomorrow morning.

 

_**younghyun**_ : dont count on that apology mr park jaehyung.

 

_**jae**_ : sweet dreams’

 

younghyun placed his phone on his lap at the final message. all in the space of a few texts younghyun had already broke the rules. talking to jae in the first place outside of a session was the first, agreeing to meet him outside of a proper establishment was the second.

 

younghyun wasnt sure whether it was his own narcissism that forced him to ask jae if he wanted a free session, or whether it was his longing sense of guilt since he’d last seen him.

 

all he knew was that he had to see him again.

 

even jae sat wondering how he was only supposed to text him once or twice. and now he was meeting him for the second time.

 

the world truly worked in mystery ways.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this feels so sloppy and rushed but i really wanted to update tonight. usually id post every other day but i dont want to do my usual thing of leaving my works unfinished. anyway, happy reading my lovelies :)

jae had many rainy days. not literally. not the type where the sky outside blackens and begins to fade. though they were there sometimes too, jaes rainy days usually consisted of the battle ground that was going on inside of his mind.

 

in fact, truth be told, jae hadnt had a non-rainy day in years. maybe it was his terminal illness clouding his thoughts, maybe it was losing his mother, or even maybe it was the knowingness that no matter how close he got to people, theyd always shut him out in the end. 

 

but today, when he blissfully awoke from his slumber in the contempt of his own bed, the weather going on inside his mind didnt seem so glum. yes, a cloud could be seen here and there, but overall it was very sunshine-manipulated. 

 

jae hadnt taken any second guessing to figure out why. kang younghyun was the obvious reason why.

 

he knew himself that it was dangerous seeing him again. he’d tossed and turned and thought about him all night, wondering if it would do him any good to see the obnoxious psychiatrist again. but no matter how much his brain told him no, his heart said go. 

 

after all, he didnt exactly have much to lose. 

 

jae hadnt give much thought to what his day would entail with younghyun, he wasnt really sure how to even act around him. did he take it as a therapy session, or did he take it as a date? definitely not a date. no, kang younghyun didnt strike jae as the type to date at all. 

 

he thought about how experienced younghyun must be. with looks like his own, there was no way he hadnt learnt a thing or two... many things in the bedroom department. and for some unknown reason to jae, even thinking about the thought of his not-so-therapist having a one off fling with someone made a tension rise in his chest that even he couldnt explain. 

 

maybe its because he thought of his own inexperience too, but ill leave it to the imagination.

 

12:49pm came around and jae still hadnt heard from younghyun. he hoped he’d hurry up, because he missed the company, being without sungjin for so long was weird. and younghyun was supposed to be filling the void.

 

1:37pm and jaes phone finally pinged with a text from younghyun.

 

‘ _ **younghyun**_ : hey, i hope you didnt get cold feet. you still havent text me your address. now i know im a psychiatrist, but i cant read minds park jaehyung. i dont know where you live’

 

jae chuckled at younghyuns humour. he was smitten with the boy over texts alone, but he wouldnt admit that.

 

‘ _ **jae**_ : right! i totally didnt forget that i was supposed to text you first

 

_**younghyun**_ : are you sure you just didnt realise that i am indeed worth the money and didnt want to embarrass yourself with another incredible session?

 

_**jae**_ : yes because a psychiatrist making me cry is what they call an ‘incredible session’ these days’

 

that one stung younghyun. he hated the thought of the pretty boy with brown eyes crying as it was, but crying over him hurt in a different way. he hated how attached he was to this patient, because thats all he was to him, a patient. nothing more and nothing less. or at least thats what he liked to tell himself. 

 

jae had text him the address not moments after that text and younghyun told him he’d be there for 3:30. younghyun had made the time quite late to ponder on whether he would actually show up.

 

younghyun wasnt scared to see jae, not by any means. that was the contrast between himself and jae. he was worried about the fact that if he was caught fraternising with a patient it’d cost him his job.

 

but even thinking about losing his job didnt seem all that daunting to him, not when jae was involved. suddenly he was ready to risk his entire career that he’d worked so hard for, just to see the dying boy happy.

 

younghyun soon realised closer to 3:30 that jaes apartment was in 10 minute walking distance from his own, that was convenient for if their relationship was to escalate.

 

he played the fun game of picking petals off a flower whilst chanting ‘i should go, i shouldnt go’ in his head. ultimately, it did land on i shouldnt go. but younghyun defied everything that the universe was telling him. and before he knew it he was ringing the doorbell to park jaehyungs apartment. 

 

“dr kang younghyun, fancy seeing you here” jae stated, whipping the door open and giving younghyun a nod before pulling him in by his forearm.

 

“yeah, what are the odds. its almost like we planned this” younghyun sarcastically responded, removing his shoes.

 

it was only then that younghyun realised just how tall jaehyung was. he wouldve never have guessed it by the fluffiness of his hair and that lilac blanket he sleeps with, but he was 6ft1 give or take. he was wearing the roundest glasses that made his eyes seem like the least important feature of his face, which wasnt true by any means.

 

jae waved his hand in front of younghyuns face swiftly, “youre staring. try not to make it obvious” he smugly told him.

 

“im not staring at you. im staring at those hanging off your nose” younghyun chuckled, planting a small boop on the tip of his nose for extra effect, the butterflies in jaes stomach that had been dead for years found their life again. “they make you look like chicken little”

 

jae laughed in response, swatting younghyuns arm lightly before walking off into his main sitting room, “ill remember that when we’re married with seven dogs and two rabbits”.

 

youghyun slowly followed behind, wary of if he was meant to follow. “ah, youre already talking marriage, does that mean the second sessions going well?” younghyun quizzed, half playfully on the first bit, genuinely asking for the second part.

 

“well im not crying just yet, so no”

 

younghyuns heart stung for the second time that day because of those words. jae would bever let go of the fact that he’d cried on the first session, not that he expected him to. but the reminder upset younghyun. 

 

jae sat down on the single seated seat and left younghyun to sit on the three seated sofa. the atmosphere wasnt awkward at all, for some reason it waslike the boys had a connection, both of them were sure that in another life, somewhere, they were definitely soulmates. they couldnt help but pine the idea that they could be in this life too, but neither of them were ready for that type of stuff. 

 

“so, park jaehyung, how are you today?” younghyun inquired, talking in the way he would if they were at a proper session. jae didnt want that. not after last time.

 

“tired of talking about myself” jae bluntly replied, “tell me about you. whats your story”

 

younghyun thought for a moment, what was his story. he didnt really have one. not anything that would be even half as interesting as wonpil or dowoons story. 

 

“well, my name is kang younghyun” 

 

 “really? i never would’ve guessed”

 

“smart ass. i grew up in toronto, i had it drilled into me from my parents that i had to study psychology because thats what my father, grand father did, my parents are very traditional people, have traditional views, they dont support some of my choices if you know what i mean, but what can you do. not everyone is perfect” younghyun briefly explained, jae knew there was more excitement to him than that. but he didnt want to pry, not when he wouldnt want that to happen to him.

 

“oh! and i also play instruments and sing in my spare time. my friends and i formed a little local band” younghyun quickly chimed.

 

jae thought to himself for a short moment, the contrast of being a psychologist and having a little local band on the side. jae himself had dreamed of that. 

 

“wait,” jae shot up, running straight into what seemed to be a closet between the room they were in and the front door. younghyun was confused on what he was doing but didnt bother questioning it, the mind of park jaehung was something he’d learnt not to question.

 

once jae came back, he was holding a bass guitar and amp in hand, smiling a wide smile from ear to ear. he fumbled to plug the large amp that was weighing down into the plug, younghyun couldnt help but coo at the sight of the helpless boy before him.

 

“play me something” jae demanded

 

“i-i cant. i-im a little rusty. its been a while” younghyun lied, knowing full well we played a gig last weekend and practiced writing some songs on bass just the night before.

 

jae pouted at him and crossed his arms over hus chest, “younghyunnnn” he whined, stomping his feet to get him to do it.

 

younghyun quickly bolted up at the sight of him doing it, “as long as you never do that again ill play for you all day long”.

 

jae parked his bum back on the sofa and crossed his legs together with his hand resting on his chin. looking at younghyun now he could definitely see how he looked like a natural performer. throw him in a laced shirt and some leather pants with some black docks and you have a rock performer. 

 

younghyun immediately started playing a short introduction, before he started singing. the song wasnt a song that jae had heard before, but he was mesmerised nonetheless. 

 

as younghyun belted the words ‘why am i alone’ into the open, and plucked the bass to the melody, he wasnt sure whether to look athe way his lage hands conceals the whole frame of the bass or the way his nose scrunched up when he sung the higher notes. both gave him butterflies, but both for entirely different reasons. 

 

the words younghyun sang collided with each other to form the most beautiful sound. his voice was one of the best jae had heard in a long time. 

 

once he’d finished playing he gave one last pluck of the bass and set it down neatly. jae wasnt quite sure how to respond, he was still taking in how younghyun was performing in front of just him and not in an arena with millions of screaming fans.

 

“that was- you are- beautiful” jae stumbled over his own words trying to get them out and younghyun blushed at his reaction. he loved the way jaes eyes concealed over when he’d heard him sing. he loved the way his mouth gawked open because he was so endeared in his voice.

 

“my, my park jaehyung you arent too bad looking yourself” younghyun teased, sending a hand through jaes hair.

 

there was a moment of silence where none of them said a word to one another, they just basked in the glory that was each others company. and it was beautiful. the comfort they felt was incredible.

 

they were quickly snapped out of their daze when they heard a ring tone of panic!’s song nicotine being played. younghyun quickly retrieved his phone out of his pocket and answered accept without no hesitation. and after a few “yeah, mhm, gotcha, ill be there!” were exchanged he hung up and sighed deeply.

 

“i forgot i have a gig tonight” he sadly announced. the sadness quickly left when he realised something. “jae, how about you come with us. sing with us” 

 

jaes eyes widened at the offer. sure, park jaehyung had sung before, but never in front of an audience. sungjin every so often when he doesnt realise hes listening, but never to a lot of people. 

 

“b-but youve never even heard my voice!” jae protested.

 

“maybe not” younghyun trailed off, biting down on his lip slightly, “but i know its beautiful. just like yourself”

 

 

 

 


End file.
